I’ve been single for so many years I believe I will soon become an album.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but so far nobody has seen me and Batman together in the same room.

If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle: KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bank payments.

If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.