Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.

If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.

On your birthday, I thought of giving you the cutest gift in the world. But then I realized that is not possible because you yourself are the cutest g...

Don’t get all weird about getting older! Our age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying us!

When people tell me You’re going to regret that in the morning, I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.

They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk.

They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.

Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.

Being part of a family means smiling for photos.

Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. And forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Happy b...

It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.

They say money doesn’t grow on trees, but why do banks have branches then?

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but it’s possibly because there’s more manure there!