Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.

Fat? Me? No, no, no! These are airbags because I am precious.

Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.

Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.

All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.

Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.

Funny that you can’t spell slaughter without laughter.

A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.

An opportunist is the guy who drinks the water while the pessimist, the optimist and the realist are arguing about how full the glass is.

Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.