I like to think of myself less like ‘an adult’ and more like a ‘former fetus.’

If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.

On your birthday, I thought of giving you the cutest gift in the world. But then I realized that is not possible because you yourself are the cutest g...